


Lesbians Without Metaphysical Borders: Kisuke’s Very Gay Invention

by DyingAtDelphi



Category: Bleach, One Piece
Genre: 50 Shades slander, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Body Worship, Comedy, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Cunnilingus, F/F, Face-Sitting, Female Ejaculation, Femdom, French Kissing, Kissing, Lesbian Sex, Light BDSM, Mommy Kink, PORTALS AND SHIT, Some Plot, Spoilers, Weird Plot Shit, the guys don’t do anything, they’re just there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:09:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29655960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DyingAtDelphi/pseuds/DyingAtDelphi
Summary: Spoiler warning: this story takes place after the Thousand Year Blood War and Marineford arcs.Rangiku is feeling frustrated. There are no sweet, mature lesbians in the Seireitei, and her daily fatigue is starting to pile up. Luckily, Kisuke just so happens to have a solution, in the form of a menacing portal. Captain Unohana also joins in, hoping to find an arrogant, self-centered woman who’ll melt in her hands.In this exciting tale of interdimensional lesbianism, Rangiku Matsumoto and Nico Robin have gentle, sappho-to-the-maxo sex while Boa Hancock gets dommed by Retsu Unohana. This story includes compliments, adoration, multiple reinforcements of SSC, women loving women, and a personal vendetta against E.L. James.
Relationships: Boa Hancock/Unohana Retsu, Nico Robin/Matsumoto Rangiku
Kudos: 4





	Lesbians Without Metaphysical Borders: Kisuke’s Very Gay Invention

The 13 Court Guard Companies were running ragged. Hunting the Quincy King’s remnants, on top of regular Hollows, made every day’s work twice as hard. Plus, Ichigo, Orihime, Rukia, and Renji were all busy with their shinigami babies. They were key figures in defending Karakura—without them, other companies had to pick up the slack. And boy, was there a lot of it.

Complaints ran wild within the Seireitei, but what could be done? This was _quite literally_ their job. At least Uryu and Chad were still helping, despite their busy schedules. 

I still don’t understand why Chad decided to punch teeth out for a living. Would his abuelo be happy with that?

Anyway, after purifying her tenth Hollow in twelve hours, Rangiku fell into bed and groaned louder than a chainsaw. Do chainsaws groan? I’m gonna say that they do.

“This is so _exhausting_...” she moaned, “I’ll collapse from overwork. No, die. I’ll legitimately die.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Toshiro replied, chugging water, “We have to be adaptable for every situation. Even unpaid overtime. When we’re already not being paid.”

“Easy for you to say, virgin.” 

Man, her words cut deeper than her blade. 

“It’s been ten years since I’ve had sex,” she continued, “Ten years! How do they expect me to thrive in these conditions?!”

Classic gay drama. 

Yeah, Rangiku is a lesbian, keep up.

“I just wanna get fucked by a mature beauty, is that too much to ask for?”

Toshiro plugged his ears. “I don’t hear it. I pretend I do not hear it.”

Suddenly, there came an awful banging, like a horse crawling through an AC vent. Lo and behold, it was none other than _Kisuke Urahara_ crawling through an AC vent.

“I heard what you said!” he shouted, “I have a solution to your problem!”

“You do?” Rangiku called out.

“I do! But I need you to pull me out of this vent!”

•••

“So,” he said, adjusting his hat, “your coochie is dusty, and it’s affecting your work ethic. As captain of the R&D department, it’s my job to find solutions for all of your problems.”

“Repeat that first line.”

“No. Anyway, there’s an easy solution, and there’s a fun solution. Your choice.”

“Ooh, I like fun.”

“Me too! That’s why we’re going to blast a brain with Kido!”

“...come again?”

“I’ll explain in the lab. Captain Hitsugaya, you’re not invited, so please give this sealed letter to Captain Unohana.”

“Why me?” he asked.

“Because I trust you with this most critical, important task. Also, I think I inhaled asbestos.”

•••

In the lab, there stood a massive, iron square. Paper seals covered every inch of it, like a horrible curse that must never see the light of day. 

“So, what is this that we’re looking at?” Retsu asked, “It looks a bit like the portal we used to reach Hueco Mundo.”

“It’s a similar design, but I had a prophetic dream, woke up in a cold sweat, and built this new one,” he said, “I think Kurotsuchi slipped something into my tea, I don’t know.”

“He _would_ do that. So, why is this portal different?”

“Great question. As you know, using Keikaigi normally opens a door to Garganta. Simply put, it uses energy to open the barrier between worlds. With that in mind, this one uses an external energy source—a piece of Ywach.”

Gasp! Shock! Horror! Confounding! Bewilderment! Forsooth!

He continued, “But not just any piece. It’s the brain of a Sternritter—the V, for Visionary.”

“You mean the guy who made Captain Zaraki vore Kusajishi?” Rangiku asked.

“Precisely! His power was a limitless imagination that could bend reality. And lucky for us, there are still dregs of that power in the brain meat. Now, my thinking is, what if we tickled this wrinkly pot roast enough to make its power work, just a little bit?”

“I can see 800 reasons this shouldn’t work, but go off, king. So... why is this a solution to my problem?”

“It’s simple. You want DTF lesbian beauties, I want to test this thing before anyone else finds it. I especially don’t want Kurotsuchi using it—we’d have a superplague within two hours.”

“Fair enough,” both women said, in unison.

Rangiku snapped up. “Wait, I just realized, Captain Unohana is a lesbian?” 

Keep up.

The healer’s eyes looked wistful and nostalgic. “As the Captain General used to say, your girl got more pussy than the Shihoin clan.”

“Couldn’t we just have sex and skip this entire pipe dream, then?”

“Sure, but only if you’re fine with...” she whispered a list of kinks into the Lieutenant’s ear.

There was a pause.

“Never mind. Rev up the braingine, Urahara.”

•••

“Alright, let’s think first. What are the qualities you two look for in women?” he asked.

“I like them mature, tall, maybe a little tan... great if they’re smart, and I do love mom friends. Love girls who can be gentle, too,” Matsumoto replied.

“I just want someone with big tits,” Unohana said, bluntly, “The more arrogant and self-absorbed she is, the better. Especially if she’s an authority figure. Oh, and with long hair to pull on... of course, provided she’s into that...”

Kisuke and Rangiku simply stared in silence.

“Just to avoid any moral gray areas,” he said, “we’re sending them back if they’re not into it. See, we won’t be creating a person from scratch, we’ll be performing a transversal.”

“What does that mean?” Rangiku asked.

“Well, I’m not interested in the ability to create or alter matter, since I respect thermodynamics. I’m really investigating a way to move living creatures across worlds without their consent. You know how easy it would have been to capture Aizen if we could just warp him into prison?”

“Fair point. Where are the girls coming from, then?”

“I don’t know. They could be from anywhere, though I did specify to exclude normal humans and mask-on hollows. _Normal_ , of course, meaning people without powers. Frankly, the shock would kill them.”

Now, then.

With everything in place, he used a new, custom spell that simulated human thought. It whisked the cold, empty brain into a deep trance, dead synapses flooding the cerebral cortex with stimuli. Then, like jazz playing in a long, empty hall, a dream formed.

Women. Beautiful women having gay sex. 

Vibrant hallucinations stirred and shifted through the temporal lobe, burning themselves in as memories. Each time the fake thought repeated, it became louder and more intense, until the dream felt more real than reality. 

Two women. Silhouettes at first, but given form through repetition. The question became, “Who are they?”

With only descriptions, and not a clear, mental image, something went wrong.

Somehow, by some powerful force, a metaphorical hand reached through the metaphorically-osmotic membrane of reality, metaphorically tearing open a metaphorical wormhole.

Metaphorically speaking.

The brain, pulsing with Kido, soon imploded, loosing a powerful shockwave. Like that, the portal opened. It roared with energy unbeknownst, sparks of lightning crackling against metal. 

There was a flash. And then there was nothing.

From the square, two people walked out. They were confused, but none the worse for wear, mentally. I mean, with the nature of Devil Fruit, you get used to shit like this.

That’s right, they were from _that_ place.

•••

By chance, Nico Robin and Boa Hancock had met during a rebel mission. They got acquainted through mutual curiosity and bonded over their mutual dislike for the Navy. 

No one likes the Navy.

But there came a blinding light, and... they ended up here. Punk Hazard, perhaps? No, that wouldn’t explain the robes.

There was a moment of confusion, but the shinigami quickly explained everything. It only took around twenty minutes, all things considered. Let’s face it: when you know Gecko Moria, you recognize that soul stuff is Completely Goddamn WeirdTM and move on.

“...and that’s the long and short of it,” Kisuke sighed.

“That makes sense,” Robin said, considering everything, “This isn’t quite what I expected from the afterlife, but Skypiea was similar. Would it be possible to send us back to our world?”

He nodded. “My theories were confirmed. It should be no problem to reverse the spell.”

“Mm. Then, I see no reason not have fun. What do you think, Ms. Hancock?”

She scoffed. “The Kuja would riot if I refused; lesbianism is a treasured part of our culture, one we share whenever possible. Given the circumstances, I might deign to show these people our greatness.”

Yeah, Robin is a lesbian, keep up. Boa is bisexual, though.

“Just to make sure, you’re both totally okay with... being sucked into a different world for the sole purpose of having gay sex with strangers?” Kisuke asked.

They both nodded.

“Despite the fact that we’re literally centuries-old spirit beings?” 

“If you’re mature, consenting spirit beings, I don’t see the problem,” Robin shrugged.

“Alright, I’ll be leaving, then. Try not to break the building.”

With that, he walked out.

Looking down on them, Boa studied the two reapers carefully, clicking her tongue. “I’ll take the black-haired one. Orange over there looks like a bimbo.”

Unohana liked what she was hearing. Toxic personalities were right in her strike zone.

Robin put an arm around the accused bimbo. “Sorry, she’s... a bit rude.”

“That’s fine,” Rangiku replied, “I was more interested in you from the start...”

With that, the girls paired up into different rooms. Though originally 12th Company bedrooms, they were retrofitted with more elegant furnishings for this experiment. Lesbians deserve silk sheets, at the very least.

•••

The black-and-orange pair were holding hands on the way in. Once the door shut, they got a little... handsy.

“I must say, you’re impossibly beautiful, Ms. Matsumoto,” Robin wrapped her arms around the reaper’s waist, lightly groping her ass, “I’m a bit envious.”

“Please, you’re stunning. And, from the looks of it, experienced...”

“Oh, not at all—I’ve never done this before. But, right now, I’m quite inspired.”

“I’m glad...” Rangiku pulled the taller woman’s head down, planting a kiss on her lips, “Let’s have a fun night, okay?”

•••

Hancock generally liked younger women, but something about this Soul Reaper felt... right. Completely and utterly right. 

Imagine liking salty food, but feeling the intense, visceral urge to eat an entire cheesecake. Sometimes, the heart wants what it wants. 

“Tell me, do you think I’m beautiful?” Hancock asked, dripping with smugness.

“Very,” Retsu smiled gently, ”Everything about you is beautiful.”

“Ha! So even spirits recognize my unmatched grace. I bet I’m the most attractive woman you’ve ever seen.”

“That’s quite the bold statement. I’ve lived for millennia, miss.”

“Your hips won’t break on me, will they?”

The captain laughed. “I wouldn’t say that. I consider myself quite strong.”

“Really, now?”

“Indeed. It’s bears no relevance anymore, but at one point, I was considered the strongest warrior alive.”

A switch flipped. Boa’s royal brain was filled with devious thoughts. “Then, how about a little wager?”

“Hm?”

“There’s an ancient practice in my clan. Two women attempt to knock each other off their feet. The loser becomes the sub.”

That was a straight-up lie.

You might blame her past, but Hancock loved control. In her mind, she stood at the top of humanity. Thus, she took any chance she got to reaffirm her superiority. 

So, the idea of dominating the strongest warrior from another world? The thought was too enticing. To destroy this sword-milf in both combat AND sex would be the ultimate glory.

“Oh dear, you really shouldn’t say things like that,” Retsu—rather, Yachiru—magically undid her braid, letting her hair come loose, “You’ll get my blood boiling.”

Boa’s heart clenched a little. Was this lady always that hot? Were her eyes always that... ravenous?

Danger signals went off in the Snake Queen’s head. Even the haughtiest, most self-centered Mean Girls reject could feel that overwhelming strength. That unseen pressure... it was like staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. 

Boa swallowed her fear, along with her rationality. No matter how strong the opponent, anyone could be vulnerable to the Mero-mero-no-mi. Well, except Luffy, but he’s asexual—can’t help that.

No Thoughts, Head Empty mode engaged. She couldn’t resist. “Are you in or not?”

“I’m in. A duel, huh...”

By this point, the other two were busy making out and groping each other. Why can’t they all be this easy?

The raven-haired duo agreed on a coin toss. That is, once the coin hit the ground, they were free to attack. Fairest way to do it. 

Boa flipped her lucky coin (a normal coin Luffy dropped). Tension hung in the air as it rose, hit its zenith, and slowly fell.

_Clink._

Hancock immediately opened fire. Please imagine Bon Jovi’s _Shot Through The Heart_ playing in the background.

The heart-shaped energy wave passed straight through Unohana’s chest, blasting her hair back with magical force. 

But alas, it did absolutely nothing.

“Was that it?” she asked.

Before Hancock could respond, she felt gravity shift. Her feet were up in the air, unfamiliar hands bracing her legs and back. She was swept off the ground and carried.

“You lose.”

Panic, astonishment, and... arousal(?) appeared on the pirate’s face. “H-how? You should have turned to stone!”

“Was that the intent? All it did was make me horny.”

See, the Mero-mero-no-mi cranks lustful thoughts up to 11. Once people are intoxicated by their own feelings, they turn to stone. After mastering every single style of battle, however, the captain’s iron discipline was impossible to break. No emotion could get the best of her, except the joy of clashing swords.

Imagine hitting someone with a powerful toxin, but instead of dying, they just get straight fucking zooted.

But, that doesn’t matter. A deal is a deal.

•••

Robin pulled her tongue out of Rangiku’s mouth for the first time in minutes, taking a short breath. After so much kissing, squeezing, and touching, the lieutenant—now on her back—was thoroughly hot and bothered. Any more and her shihakusho would soak straight through. 

No, she wasn’t wearing anything beneath it.

Noticing that, Robin undid the robe’s sash and opened it up, drinking in the sight like a refreshing can of Franky-Cola.TM

A finger traced down the length of Matsumoto’s body, making her shiver. When it eventually brushed past her clit, her hips almost bucked off the bed. 

“It’s nice to take time with these things, isn’t it?” Robin asked.

“You’re too sweet...”

Who put Splenda in the humidifier?

Using no small amount of dexterity, Rangiku managed to get her pirate partner undressed, as well. With their warm bodies pressed up against each other, they started to play with more sensitive areas. It was a beautiful scene of slow, tender rubbing, with intermittent kisses and soft, controlled breaths.

Soon enough, their legs were intertwined and they were grinding together on pure instinct. That is, until the tan one slowed things down.

“I wonder... your lips are so soft...” Robin remarked, “how about the rest of your body?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?”

Slowly, Nico (weird to call her that) withdrew, pushing Rangiku back into the pillows. She gravitated toward her chest, planting kisses on, between, and under her massive milkers. To her credit, they _were_ soft. As were her stomach and hips. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Matsumoto felt a tickle just two inches above her clit. Then on her inner thighs, all around her soaked pussy.

Every muscle in her body contracted when she felt a deep, intense smooch on her vulva.

“Now I’ve kissed both of your lips,” Robin smiled.

“W... wow... I’ve never felt like this before...”

“I’m very glad to hear that, but I’m afraid I’ll need you to tell me what to do next.”

“Just... go absolutely ham on my clit, ma’am.”

With a thumbs up, she dropped back down, licked her lips, and _sucked._ For even more _oomph_ , her tongue circled around the stiff nub, until she released it with a gentle _pop_. Being down there was almost dangerous, the way Rangiku’s legs spasmed, but Robin didn’t let up. 

And then the beat dropped.

Soaked in Girl Juice,TM Robin put on a smile. “How was it?”

“Are you sure you’ve never done this before?”

“You flatter me, miss Matsumoto. I’m just trying my best.”

She read a lot of books. A concerning amount.

Catching her breath, Rangiku rose to her knees, stretching out.

“Okay!” she nearly shouted, “I’ll have to give back twice what I got!”

“Oh? In what sense?”

“I hope you have time. We’re gonna be here a while.”

Now, in the other room... things were not going the same way.

•••

The former Kenpachi gently laid her new sub onto the bed, completely unfazed by her weight. God, she’s strong.

“I want to make one thing clear,” she said, “If you ever feel scared, nervous, or uncomfortable, say **stop**. If you can’t vocalize it, raise your ring finger. No matter what happens, if one of us isn’t having fun, we’ll stop.”

Gasp! Consent!

Hancock’s blazing nerves came to rest. Truth be told, she was worried—worried that this strange woman would go too far, and there would be no way out. Some people... they don’t understand limits. They tie others up or hurt them without asking, like it’s supposed to be hot. 

The simple act of acknowledging their mutual consent was enough to bring her peace. “Thank you...” 

Suck it, Erika Leonard.

“Now, then,” Yachiru eased down, “take off your panties.”

“F-from under my dress?”

“From under your dress.”

Boa shyly slid her lacy, white underwear down her smooth legs. That is, until they got stuck. 

She couldn’t get the band around her heels. That’s right, she didn’t even have time to take her shoes off. 

I don’t trust people who willingly bring their shoes into bed. They’re lizards in human skin.

With that, Unohana simply grabbed Hancock’s legs, panties still around the ankles, and pushed them up. “Sorry, I’m out of patience right now.”

She swept aside the purple, curtain-y part of her dress and went in. No foreplay, no kissing, just lips straight to pussy. One arm held up her legs while the other hand rubbed her clit—not hard, but with enough vigor that it wasn’t tender.

This wasn’t just girls having fun. This was serious business, like getting tonight’s Double Jeopardy on a question you aren’t sure about. Maybe you bet everything, confident that you were king of the history category. Maybe Ron, that old man in the bowtie, two podiums down, could sense your ignorance. Before you even pressed that button, he could see your failure—the death that would become his nourishment. After all, humans may fight to survive, but their struggles are meaningless beneath the uncaring mycelia of corpse-eating fungi. It is as such, we venture boldly into Double Jeopardy, clueless of the fate that awaits us in the end; challenge Ron, if you like, but what is a trivia king to a trivia god?

So, anyway.

Hancock was already at her limit. Unlike most, she believed masturbation was undignified, so it’s been a _while._ Getting her over the edge was easy.

The captain wiped her lips with her thumb, climbing onto the bed to share what she just tasted. After a few moments of reprieve for the panting queen, Yachiru took hold of her wrists and pinned them above her head.

“Now, then. Tell me what you want,” she said, staring into her eyes. 

This is not the time for a Spice Girls joke.

Hancock’s skin was absolutely flushed. “P... put your fingers in my pussy...”

“Is that how we ask?”

“I’m sorry... _please_ put them in... m-mommy...”

Yeah, she’s _that_ kind of person. Picture a rock full of Jell-O.TM All you have to do is crack the shell.

“Good girl.”

‘Mommy’ reached down, taking her sweet time. Making her cum now just wouldn’t be right. Instead, she was set to teasing. She would just barely dip a finger in, just barely touch her directly. It was hell. Flushed, Boa shut her eyes, letting out the tiniest, hardly audible, _“Please.”_

Yachiru felt something in her chest, alright.

Like that, she went back to serious mode. Though still taking it slow (no one likes violent fingering, c’mon), she had ages of skill under her belt. It was unlike anything Hancock felt before. Every move was aimed and executed perfectly, as if Unohana could _see_ every weak spot. And despite her own extraordinary strength, Boa’s arms simply would not budge. They were firmly locked down by just a single hand.

Eventually, the empress just couldn’t take it. Her lower half pushed up into Yachiru’s hand as she came, dripping a fair amount of woman sauce (why) onto the bedsheets. At the same time, her pinned arms were released, without a bruise to be seen. The captain sure has her gentle moments.

“Good?” Unohana asked, tasting her fingers.

“T-too good...” 

There was a strange, timeless haze, until The Captain Currently Known As Retsu snapped back to reality (ope, there goes gravity). “Forgot, your dress will get dirty. Sit up.”

“Oh, um, it’s fine, I don’t like this one too much—“

“Sit up. I’m taking it off.”

No sense in soiling clothes, I guess. Especially in a world without dry cleaners.

After centuries of wearing a shihakusho, the old Kenpachi was nearly defeated by a satin dress. But she got it off with no damage to the fabric (or her pride).

“Ah, what’s this tattoo?” she asked.

“It...” Boa hesitated for a long, long time, “it’s a mark... a slave brand...”

It would have been so easy to tell the Gorgon lie. And yet, she didn’t. It wouldn’t have felt right.

“I see,” Retsu gave her a hug from behind, “I’m sorry you had to go through that. Do you want to stop here?”

“No, it’s okay... we’re just having fun, and I... I like this kind of thing...”

Remember: the crux of BDSM is consent. Without it, you have abuse. You should never conflate consensual domination with slavery, because they are _not_ the same thing. Likewise, power structures should never follow anyone into the bedroom.

YOU HEAR THAT, ERIKA?

“That’s good. Then, I’ll let you decide what we do next.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

She thought long and hard, gears clicking and turning until the monkey with cymbals began to shriek. “I... I want you to...” her voice trailed off, “s-sit on my face.”

“That’s a new one,” Yachiru said, leaning in, “But it sounds _very_ fun.”

Now nude, Boa lied down, beckoning the captain forward. She carefully stepped over her face, easing down onto her knees and making contact with Hancock’s lips. At the same time, her fingers buried themselves in the pile of silky, dark hair, tenderly rubbing the girl’s head.

“Now, then... if you do a good job, you’ll get a reward. Try hard.”

Boa felt goosebumps. No task would ever be as important as this.

Her hands squeezed and rubbed Unohana’s ass while her mouth did its critical job. Finding her sensitive spots was difficult; no matter what, the Kenpachi kept her composure. That’s no fun. If only she were more vocal.

It was then, a lightbulb turned on.

“Brace yourself,” the bottom said, putting her hands into a heart.

_Bang._ Yet another blast of punch-drunk energy went straight through Unohana’s body. This time, however, there was a difference.

For the first time in centuries, her face felt hot. No, everything felt hot, like being downrange from Ryujin-jakka. Or sleeping on a leather couch. Or drinking hot cocoa in summer. 

Boa giggled, running a finger across her domme’s drenched pussy. “So, you’re finally done holding back.”

Red from ear to ear, the Duel Monster (sans Yu-Gi-Oh!) leaned forward, bringing her weight down just a bit harder. “I hope you realize what you’ve just done.”

“Completely.”

The cunni continued, taking a hard left turn. Presenting the full length of her tongue, Hancock spread Yachiru’s lower lips. While rubbing the clit with her fingers, her tongue searched for that fabled, still-unconfirmed-to-exist rough patch deep inside.

You can’t spell “Court Guard Company” without “g-spot,” after all.

“I know what you’re doing, so I’m just going to say, that doesn’t work for me,” the lady on top said.

“Oh. That’s a shame, then, _mommy._ Where _do_ you like it?”

“Be a good girl and figure that out yourself.”

“Aww, not even a hint?”

All Boa could do was try her best. If not the stimulation, the effort was enough to make her domme moan.

The bottom tried to grab Unohana’s thighs for leverage, but found her arms locked down once again. This time, she felt even more helpless—being immobilized and pinned by the mouth, there was no other option than to lick.

Remembering to breathe through her nose was the hardest part. But after that, things were going smoothly—if a little... scary? It requires a lot of trust to let someone sit on your face. Even when you have that trust, it’s an emotional ordeal.

Speaking of emotion, the old Kenpachi finally showed some. Her body tensed up, her toes curled, and she bore down even harder onto Boa until it was almost a genuine safety concern. With a firm grip on the empress’ hair, she was grinding into her tongue like some depraved, 150 year old teenager. 

Soon enough, she threw her head back, tensing up. Her coochie, predating Jesus himself, flooded with _l a d y l i q u i d ._ After the initial surprise, Boa felt nothing but smugness from the fem-bukkake. She cracked the godly domme’s armor. She _won._

That feeling lasted all of six seconds, before the possibility of drowning became very real.

However, Yachiru clambered off just before anything bad happened. Lying back, breathing hard, she patted Hancock’s head. “That was... good job...”

The soaked sub rolled over and straddled her hips, looking down on her from the highest possible angle. “Ha, so I’ve reduced you to this panting mess. Do you understand my power now?”

“Any more sass and I’ll get the ropes.”

“...sorry, mommy...”

•••

Meanwhile, in the other room, the gals were truly Being Pals.TM Lacing their fingers together and kissing with tongue is just another way women say hello to each other. Trust me, I’m an anthropolologisteroni.

Rangiku took a breath, saliva coating her lips and chin. “It... it’s been at least century since I resonated with someone this strongly...”

“I know what you mean... we fit together so well...”

Their hands separated. Rangiku seemed a little bit... antsy. She clearly wanted something. Water? A snack? 

“Is something wrong?” Robin asked.

“I want to kiss your entire body,” the reaper blurted out.

Her partner felt a little red in the face. “I... might need a bath first.”

“Oh, not a problem. Believe it or not, I have a spell for that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, kido is absolutely broken.”

“I see... then, I can’t say I dislike the idea...”

There was some beautiful poetry, followed by a harsh sound. Imagine a washing machine full of pennies. At the end, though, both of them felt fresher than a 90s g-funk beat.

Rangiku relaxed her posture, sinking back into the bed. “Now... let me show you gratitude for being so nice.”

After a smooch on the lips, she took Robin’s hands and gently massaged them, kissing her fingers. She paid attention to her delicate muscles, her thin shoulders, and even under her arms. Her chest, stomach, and waist were next, all receiving kisses and a massage. She even briefly turned her over to literally kiss her ass, covering every inch with smooches.

The same went for her soft thighs and long legs, all the way down to her feet. Rangiku carefully rubbed her soles and calves, at the same time checking if Robin was ticklish. She was not, fortunately.

Remember: when someone asks if you’re ticklish, the correct answer is, “I will bite.”

Either way, she kissed her toes and heels, then dropped Robin’s feet onto her shoulders. She sank even lower into the bed, until she was face-to-face with the only neglected part remaining.

Robin was wet, yeah, but more importantly, she felt emotionally full. A “demon” like her was being acknowledged and appreciated. Someone genuinely loved the body that caused her so much grief. Sure, Sanji flirts with her, but he’d jam his meat into anything—including meat. And he hates wasting food, so you know he’d eat it after. Enjoy that visual.

Emotional satisfaction had to wait, though. Robin felt hot breaths slowly approach her pussy, until Rangiku’s plush lips pressed right up against it. But instead of a kiss, she felt them move up, until they were wrapped around her clit.

And Rangiku _went for it_. It was nothing less than a one-hit K.O. after all that buildup.

Well. That was anticlimactic.

•••

Robin and Rangiku were laid out on the bed, disheveled, sweaty, and exhausted.

“Gentle really _is_ the best...” the lieutenant said, absentmindedly touching her pussy.

Meanwhile, Boa found herself constricted [rimshot] in the solid, yet gentle arms of a lesbian warrior. She never knew just how _right_ it felt to be cuddled. The deep warmth, the feeling of safety... yes, this was the perfect place to be. 

•••

“Bye, ladies! It’s been really fun!” Rangiku shouted, waving.

“Thank you for everything!” Robin replied.

But before they could step through the portal, Unohana leaned down and whispered into Boa’s ear. “Should there be a next time?”

Face red, she nodded. “Soon, please...”

With that, they stepped back through the shining gate, finding themselves exactly where they belonged. As a result of plot-based time dilation, it had only been a few minutes in their world. No one had time to notice they were gone. Really makes you think about how bullshit time is.

Back in the Seireitei, Kisuke adjusted his hat. “Okay, now—”

“We’re not exorcising the brain,” both reapers said, in unison.

“Wasn’t gonna suggest it. My entire worldview has been turned on its head. I won’t be satisfied until I get to the bottom of this.”

“So we can keep it?!” Rangiku just about shouted.

“Yeah, but we’ll have to hide it really well. We’ll be executed if it’s found, after all.”

“Just put it in the fridge. No one checks the crisper drawer.”

•••

It was lunch hour. The entire lab was ransacked. 

“Did you find what you were searching for, master Mayuri?” Nemu asked.

“No... the lab is clean. The bastards must have disposed of the evidence. If they exorcised it, it’s beyond retrieval,” he sighed, “And here I was hoping to make a superplague.”

No one checks the crisper drawer.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a lot longer than what I usually do, so I think the jokes got a teeny bit obnoxious. Overall, I like how it came out. These were some oddball pairings, but I think their personalities fit pretty nicely together.
> 
> Now, I’m also obligated to say that I’m currently open for commissions. You can find the info in my profile. Thank you very much for reading.


End file.
